


you were on my mind (good love is hard to find)

by texaswatermelon



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, condensed slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 10:56:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18445130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/texaswatermelon/pseuds/texaswatermelon
Summary: The thing about Sara Lance is that she's never what anyone expects her to be.





	you were on my mind (good love is hard to find)

**Author's Note:**

> Playing fast and loose with canon events and timelines here.
> 
> Title from _Good Love_ by Aly & AJ.

The thing about Sara Lance is that she's never what anyone expects her to be.

When Felicity first hears about her, she is nothing more than a tragic anecdote; one more reason for the guilt and self-loathing that always clouds Oliver's pretty eyes. Felicity tries to picture her, and the image is not flattering. She imagines a girl who's never had to work for anyone's affection, who gets by on a sweet face and an even sweeter voice, one that cuts like crystallized honey. What other kind of girl could be so self-absorbed as to sneak away on a yacht with her sister's boyfriend?

Because she can never leave well enough alone, Felicity does a Google search for Sara. She finds an article written not long after the boat's disappearance. It talks about Oliver and his dad more than anything, but placed carelessly towards the end is a line about Sara, accompanied by a small picture. It looks like it was probably stolen off of someone's Facebook, but Felicity thinks that her initial assumptions about Sara were probably right. Her smile suggests a false innocence that is belied by the body of a girl who clearly spends too much time caring about what people think of her. This is a girl who craves attention and approval and will do anything to get it from anyone.

Not to mention those bangs, which Felicity cannot even begin to describe the horror of because her mother always taught her not to speak ill of the dead.

xx

She arrives in a flash of leather and steel and blonde wig on top of her already blonde hair, which Felicity finds perplexing, but she's not going to tell a trained assassin how to wear her costume.

Felicity searches for any resemblance to that girl in the picture, the one that she judged so harshly out of some stupid sense of jealousy (because Oliver even loved a dead girl more than he will ever love Felicity), but...

Sara is quiet and lithe and has muscles in places that Felicity didn't even know muscles were. She's all freckles and no makeup, dimples that you could construct a swimming pool inside of, and bright, faceted eyes like shards of crystals. When she calls Felicity cute, she does it with this fond smile, as if she's known Felicity forever, as if she can't decide if she'd rather protect or corrupt her. When Felicity kind of gapes at her a little, at a loss of words for once, that smile turns into a smirk that is equal parts confidence and self-deprecation.

It's so unexpected, this...personality, for lack of a better word, after Felicity had convinced herself that Sara didn't have one at all. Not as unexpected as the unfathomable depths of pain behind Sara's eyes, though—similar to Oliver's, but somehow more mysterious and compelling. Inviting, even. And Felicity is aware that there's something a little fucked up about that.

xx

Knowing what she does about Sara and Oliver's past, Felicity expects them to fall into bed together pretty much as soon as the opportunity presents itself. They have both changed and grown immensely in the last six years, but Felicity knows that there are some parts of Oliver that are very much the same. The way he uses sex to avoid his emotional entanglements, for instance. And whatever is going on with him and Laurel right now could definitely be considered an emotional entanglement.

Sara was once a young girl in love with her big sister's pretty, rich boyfriend. Felicity knows that no matter how much a person changes, there's always a weakness for one's first love. So Felicity just assumes that they will sleep together, and she will be hurt and so will Laurel, and things will get complicated and explode.

Nothing explodes. Oliver treats Sara like another baby sister, and Sara gets caught making out with the really hot League of Assassins princess, which pretty much blows Felicity's mind on every level.

Despite not being involved with Oliver, Felicity still finds herself getting jealous of Sara for entirely different reasons. Sara fits in with Oliver and Dig in a way that Felicity never has. She fights with an effortless grace and has that quiet brooding warrior thing going on that drives Felicity nuts. She has enough battle scars to write a book about, and she even knows her way around a microscope and genetic markers.

Perhaps the worst part is that no one treats her like a porcelain doll. Oliver and Dig are protective of her in the same way that they are protective of one another—they all have some kind of horrific savior's complex—but they know that she can handle herself and so they allow her to do what she wants. Not like Felicity, who is treated more like a liability than an asset, and who is barely allowed to walk to her car at night without a body guard.

So Felicity decides that she will make herself as much of an asset as Sara has turned out to be (Sara, who Felicity was so sure had been some useless bimbo who would never get by on anything but her looks, and now she regrets having ever been so wrong about a girl who was supposed to be dead). She comes in early—earlier than anyone has a right to be awake, much less sweating on a practice mat—and takes some jabs at the training dummy. She watched a few instructional videos on YouTube, but she still feels like she's not executing these punches quite right. Which is frustrating, because how is she supposed to be useful if she can't even follow a step-by-step video?

She doesn't even know she's being watched until there are small hands resting lightly on her hips and a foot kicking her legs apart.

"Plant your feet," Sara says firmly. "A strong foundation is the key."

Felicity wonders briefly if she should be threatened by this invasion of personal space, before she gets distracted by how good Sara smells and makes a mental note to ask her what kind of shampoo she uses.

Sara moves around to the other side of the dummy to appraise Felicity in all of her sweaty, unathletic glory.

"So is this for defense or offense?" she asks.

"I don't know," Felicity says defensively, and wills herself to lie. Fails. "Maybe both."

She expects Sara to laugh or give her a condescending smile, tell her to stick to pepper spray and hacking for her own safety. Sara does neither.

"I can help if you want. In the mornings like this. It's harder to learn without a teacher. Your technique will be off. Ollie doesn't need to know if you don't want him to."

Felicity knows she's gaping like a fish, but she cannot for the life of her figure this girl out and it's driving her insane.

"Why are you so—" Felicity starts to say, but then shuts her mouth before she has the chance to finish that thought and changes direction. "I'd appreciate the help. Thank you."

Sara smiles that crooked, shy smirk of hers just as Oliver comes pounding down the stairs, demanding a status update on their latest case.

xx

Two days later, Felicity takes a bullet for Sara, completely exceeding her own expectation of herself entirely on accident. When Sara realizes what's happened, she immediately presses a hand over the wound and looks at Felicity with eyes absolutely drowning in regret.

Later, after Oliver is done fussing at her and Dig has given her some awesome aspirin that makes her face go numb, Sara digs the bullet out and stitches up the wound.

"All done," Sara says, stepping into Felicity's line of sight. "It's going to scar."

"Now I'll be as sexy and badass as you are," Felicity blurts out, which is something she might say by accident when she's not high on painkillers, but would at least be embarrassed about.

She's not embarrassed right now.

"You don't need a bullet wound to be sexy and badass," Sara says with a soft smile. "But you were very brave and you saved my life. Thank you."

"Earlier when I got shot, you looked at me like you pulled the trigger yourself," Felicity says, remembering the look of pained regret on Sara's face.

"You shouldn't put yourself in danger for me, Felicity," Sara says, face going dark. "Too many people have died in my name. You're irreplaceable. I'm already on borrowed time."

"But you're..." Felicity trips over her own tongue for a moment, losing her train of thought before somehow grasping onto it again. "You're Sara Lance. You're a legend."

Sara looks so sad, and if Felicity wasn't about to pass out, she'd hug her.

"Sometimes I wish I was still just a girl."

xx

Felicity doesn't hang out at bars, really, but Oliver often hangs out upstairs at Verdant to keep an eye on Thea. So when there's an emergency or an update, Felicity has to show up and try to make it look like she didn't just appear out of thin air.

Tonight, she crosses in front of the bar to get to Oliver, who is having a conversation with his sister at a table in the corner. A flash of blonde catches Felicity's attention out of the corner of her eye, and she looks up to find Sara flipping bottles and mixing drinks like she's starring in the remake of Coyote Ugly. Which, come to think of it, probably wouldn't look too bad on her.

Sara catches her eye across the bar, grins and winks before turning back to her drinks, and Felicity feels herself blush unexpectedly.

"She's good, right?"

Felicity jumps high enough that she swears she might as well hit the ceiling and turns to find Thea looking amused, yet regretful.

"God, don't sneak up on people like that! Does lurking run in your family or something? You're as bad as your brother. Not that Oliver is a frequent lurker. Why would he be? He doesn't need to lurk; he's a very successful and attractive businessman."

Thea just stares at her with a bemused look on her face as Felicity curses her inability to just stop talking when it counts.

"Anyway, I didn't picture Sara as a bartender," Felicity says, dying for a subject change.

"Yeah, when she asked for a job, I figured I'd help her out. I didn't realize she was actually skilled at the time," Thea says. "Plus, she's attracting this entire lesbian clientele I didn't even know I was missing out on, so it's a win-win for me."

Felicity just shakes her head, because of course.

"Were you looking for Oliver? You usually only come in here when there's an emergency at the office. I think he just stepped outside though."

"Thanks," Felicity says. "I'll just call him."

She takes one last look at Sara before she sneaks back downstairs, but Sara is too preoccupied to look back.

xx

Sara Lance actually has the patience of a saint. Oliver tried training Felicity to defend herself once before, but he kept getting frustrated every time Felicity did and quickly tired of her endless stream of complaints and quips. Dig, on the other hand, was so encouraging and afraid of hurting her that she felt like she was never going to learn anything from him. Sara is firm, but not mean; gentle, but not when it counts. She takes all of Felicity's comments in stride and smirks whenever Felicity starts spouting off about the indignity of being slammed on the ground repeatedly by someone who is practically the same size as her. She seems to know instinctively when Felicity needs to take a break, and uses the down time to climb the salmon ladder or do yoga.

Months of this go by. Felicity feels herself getting stronger and faster. It’s easier to anticipate Sara’s moves. One day, when Sara throws a punch at her, Felicity not only manages to block it, but also spins around into a kick that connects with Sara’s face and sends her flying onto her ass.

“Oh my God!” Felicity screeches, hands flying to her mouth in horror.

She drops to her knees beside Sara, who is holding her right eye in shock, and struggles to decide if she should pull Sara’s hand off of her face or touch her at all.

“Are you okay? Is your eye falling out? Did I kill you?”

Sara laughs at that.

“You’re getting good, Felicity, but you’re not at the point of killing people with one kick yet,” she says fondly.

“Well you’re still being very vague about whether your eye is there or not,” Felicity mutters.

Sara acquiesces by removing the hand from her eye. It’s already red and swelling. It’ll be an ugly bruise by morning. Felicity can’t contain her gasp, torn between horror and pride.

“What are we going to tell Oliver?” Felicity asks, tugging on Sara’s arm to pull her up off of the floor and lead her to the med table at the center of the room.

She grabs an ice pack from the freezer and wraps it in a towel before pressing it gently against Sara’s eye. Sara’s smile is soft and appreciative, the same one that she bestows upon Felicity with increasing frequency. Felicity enjoys that smile more than she cares to admit. She’s not sure if she can handle the flutter in her stomach that she gets from Sara matching the one that she gets from Oliver.

“Oliver found out that I was training you a while ago.”

That ruins the mood in an instant. Admittedly, Felicity probably overreacts by stepping away quickly. She lets the ice pack drop, which forces Sara to catch it, though she doesn’t place it back over her eye. She merely looks at Felicity with concern.

“Felicity, don’t worry. He was upset when he found out, but I quickly reminded him that he doesn’t get to decide how you spend your free time or what you do with your body,” Sara says.

Actually, there was a time when Oliver decided pretty much all of that. Not because he wanted to control her, but because she allowed him and his needs to dictate every aspect of her life in the hopes that he’d see how dedicated and irreplaceable she was and fall in love with her. Or, at the very least, so that she could believe that she was being useful to this city.

But Sara is all about helping women find their agency, apparently even in their absence, and Felicity respects that about her so much.

“Ollie wasn’t very happy with me for a bit, but eventually he realized that I was right and agreed not to say anything to you.”

“Thank you,” Felicity says, and it feels like she’s never been more sincere.

Sara shrugs and then that easy grin of hers is back.

“He needs to be put in his place every once in a while—reminded that he’s not king of the island anymore,” she says. “Anyway, there’s a lot more to you than just being able to find your way around a computer. I’m happy to do my part to help you and the rest of the team figure that out.”

Felicity finds herself at a rare loss for words, so she forces the ice pack back up to Sara’s eye and does her best to ignore Oliver’s prying gaze when he enters the room.

xx

The clock tower is a travesty, honestly, but when Sara gets injured breaking up a drug deal, Felicity is the one who brings her fresh gauze and a greasy burger.

“God, this is depressing,” Felicity says, taking in the plastic tarps and musty aroma with her face scrunched up in disgust. “I mean, no offense. I know this is your home and stuff, but I feel like Oliver could at least repay you for almost getting you killed by springing for a hotel or offering up one of the many rooms in his gigantic mansion.”

“He offered both of those things, but I refused. I like to stay off of the grid when I can,” Sara says.

She reaches for the burger bag, but Felicity swats her hand away and tosses the gauze at her instead.

“Running water and solid walls are too much of a luxury for you?” Felicity retorts. “You’re lucky I like you. I hate cleaning wounds. Blood squicks me out.”

“I could do it myself, you know,” Sara says with an amused grin.

“Whatever,” Felicity says with an eye roll. “Friends don’t let other friends get sepsis.”

She pulls Sara’s shirt up to reveal an enviable set of abs and a blood-spotted bandage on the right side of Sara’s abdomen. As good as she’s gotten at this over time, it doesn’t make it any less sickening. Still, she manages to clean the wound and change the bandage quickly, and then Sara is pulling her shirt back down while Felicity’s eyes linger on her stomach without Felicity’s permission.

“Thanks,” Sara says, and then tears into the fast food bag like a scavenger. “For the food, too. I’m starving.”

“You should come stay with me,” Felicity says, which is a thought she wanted to remain in her head, but it has now ended up outside of her mouth like so many other things she never means to say.

Sara’s eyebrows are raised in surprise, burger stalled halfway to her mouth as she glances at Felicity, eyes unreadable.

“Sorry, that was dumb. I didn’t actually mean for it to come out of my mouth,” Felicity mumbles. “Not that I’m taking back the offer! You can always stay with me if you want to. I just know how you are.”

“You’re sweet, Felicity,” Sara says.

Her eyes crinkle at the corners when she smiles and her teeth are impossibly straight. Felicity wonders how Sara ever made it as an assassin when she’s always wearing her heart on her sleeve. Emotions flicker across her face like a television screen. But maybe that’s how she wants it. Maybe when she needs to, she can slip on a mask of impassivity. Maybe she doesn’t need to be that guarded around Felicity.

“It’s just dangerous,” she continues, expression suddenly serious and pained. “I’ve made a lot of enemies.”

Felicity is so tired of people restricting their interactions with her because they think it’s too dangerous for her. She’s honestly surprised that Sara is even trying it, but then she remembers that at heart she is the same as Oliver and Dig and even Roy. They all seem to think that being a hero means isolating themselves from the people they love in one way or another. Felicity wonders when they’ll realize that it’s their connections to their loved ones that makes them all so strong.

“You know I work for Oliver Queen, right? And I also work with the Arrow. That’s like, double the enemies and sometimes triple the danger depending on what’s going on at any given moment,” Felicity says. “If you don’t want to stay with me, let it be because you have a thing about sharing bathrooms with people or because you really enjoy the aesthetic of bird shit on all of your furniture, or even because you just don’t like me that much. Make it about anything but my safety. I’m so tired of people trying to protect me at my own expense, especially when we both know I don’t need that much protecting anymore.”

For a moment, Sara just sits there kind of stunned. Felicity knows that she has a talent for rendering people speechless that way. Finally, she reaches out and grabs Felicity’s hand, pulls her down to sit on the bed so that they’re facing each other.

“Okay, for one thing, I happen to enjoy the awkwardness of sharing a bathroom with other people, considering the fact that I’ve experienced much worse over the years. And secondly, please don’t ever imply that I don’t like you again. I like you a lot, Felicity.”

Felicity has no idea why she’s blushing at that, like Sara just passed her a love note in high school chemistry class, but thankfully Sara doesn’t seem to notice.

“What if we made a deal?” Sara suggests. “I’ll keep staying here, but if I’m ever out in your area and don’t want to come back here, I promise to crash at your place. And we can hang out outside of vigilante activities. Watch movies or something. I still have a lot of pop culture to catch up on.”

“Deal,” Felicity says, eyes wide with excitement. “I have so many things to show you that are going to ruin your entire life.”

Sara’s laugh sounds like the beginning of something inconceivable.

“I can’t wait.”

xx

The fact that Sara can down a shot of whiskey like it’s water isn’t very surprising. The fact that her favorite drink in the world is sickly sweet hot chocolate with a mountain of marshmallows on top is, though.

“Laurel and I used to spend entire weekends huddled on the couch watching movies,” Sara explains, “and no matter what time of the year it was, we would always drink hot chocolate.”

“So I’m infringing on a sisterly tradition, is what you’re saying,” Felicity says, though she’s mostly joking.

“Not infringing,” Sara corrects with a dimpled smile. “I’m happy to share it with you.”

Felicity doesn’t feel like she has the capacity to explain that she’s honored by that, by the fact that she has Sara’s presence and Sara’s friendship and her trust, but she also wants, more than anything, to have a tradition that belongs just to them. How can she say that when the majority of their friendship exists inside of a basement sweating on mats and stitching up wounds and avoiding death? Who is she to expect more than that?

It turns out that Sara really likes animated movies, hates dumb comedy, and has a slightly disturbing fascination with horror. She laughs her hardest at __Parks and Rec__ , throws things at the screen during __Glee__ , and hates __Game of Thrones__ with a passion. She isn’t happy unless she’s practically sitting on top of Felicity, huddled under a big fluffy blanket, with a plate of some food item between them and hot chocolate in hand. She wakes up at the ass crack of dawn without the aid of an alarm clock, no matter what time she went to bed the night before. She’s a better cook than Felicity will ever be, and she somehow manages to make bed head look hot.

Felicity is rapidly becoming less and less sure whether she’s jealous of Sara or in love with her. What she does know is that Sara comes over at least twice a week. Sometimes she has injuries that need tended to and sometimes she doesn’t. Sometimes she just wants to pass out on the couch as soon as she steps through the door and others she wants to stay up half the night watching Netflix. She has a way of smiling at Felicity that almost convinces her that they’re the only two people in the room, even if they’re not, and half the time she knows what Felicity is thinking before she even gets a chance to say it, which is truly impressive. 

Sara Lance is one of the best friends Felicity has ever had, and sometimes Felicity can’t even believe how far they’ve come when she looks back on that brief time she’d spent judging Sara before she’d ever met her. She thinks that it should probably worry her that she no longer feels that punch in the gut when she looks at Oliver—the one that used to have her daydreaming about him sweeping her away to some tropical island to spend the rest of their lives together. Instead, she feels kind of full when she looks at Sara. She’s not sure exactly what she’s full of, but she knows that it makes her happy.

Felicity has no idea when this even happened. It crept into her slowly while she wasn’t looking. She supposes that if she looks hard enough, she could find the evidence of it all around her—in the pores of a practice mat, between the threads of red-stained gauze, at the bottom of a tumbler in Thea’s bar upstairs, in the facets of light that reflect off of the broken glass in the clock tower, laced through the tension of a late night stakeout, and imprinted in the couch cushions in her apartment. 

In all of these places and all of these ways, she learned things about Sara that defied every pre-conceived notion and expectation, that drew her in without her knowledge and against her will. Felicity knew from the moment she met Oliver Queen that she was destined to love a superhero, but now she wonders if she was completely wrong about exactly which one the entire time.

xx

Quentin Lance is a hard-nosed cop whose only goal in life is to protect this city. He’s as much of a hero as any of them will ever be and he never wears a mask to do any of it. He has faced down remorseless murderers without the barest hint of trepidation and risked his life countless times to save others. Despite this, Felicity has never witnessed a man melt as quickly as Quentin does the second he lays eyes on Sara.

They encounter him one afternoon while having lunch at Sara’s favorite Chinese place. Sara is exchanging friendly Mandarin with the restaurant staff in between regaling Felicity with stories of some of the places she’s visited on assignment with the League.

“I think you’d really like Japan,” Sara says through a mouthful of noodles. “There’s a lot to do there. They have vending machines for, like, every single thing.”

Felicity is about to open her mouth to respond when she catches Quentin over Sara’s shoulder, heading straight for them.

“You two are hangin’ out in the daylight now?” he asks skeptically. “Is the Arrow extending his hours or somethin’?”

“We’re friends, Daddy,” Sara says, turning a delighted smile upon him.

Quentin doesn’t stand much of a chance after that. His face quirks up in a grin, seemingly without his knowledge, and Felicity finds it cute that he even tries to resist. She feels a pang of regret for the relationship she doesn’t get to have with her own father.

“We still hang out at night, but a lot of times it’s at my apartment,” Felicity says without thinking.

Quentin raises an eyebrow at her and Sara can barely contain her smirk. Felicity scrambles to correct herself.

“Not in a sexual way like she did with Nyssa. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! And your daughter is very attractive, so who would deny her if that’s what she wanted? I probably wouldn’t. It’s just that we’re only friends and we’re not…doing…that…”

Felicity closes her eyes in the hopes that she can just disappear from the face of the earth for five minutes or so.

“I’m sorry. It’s like I have a disease. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

She slowly opens her eyes to find Sara smiling at her like she did the first time they met—the same way she’s done at least a hundred times in the past few months. It’s a smile that never fails to make Felicity’s stomach do somersaults.

“Isn’t she cute?” Sara asks her dad.

Quentin looks like he would refer to Felicity as anything but that, but he must catch the look on Felicity’s face. She hasn’t actually seen it herself, but she knows what it feels like when she has this expression on her face. It feels like her heart is squeezing itself into a tight little ball right before it bursts entirely. It feels like she’s going to bite through her bottom lip to keep the smile from splitting her face in to. It feels like this is definitely the best thing that’s ever happened to her, and probably the worst, too. Quentin zeroes in on her, eyes narrowing just slightly before he nods to himself.

“Right. Well, I need to get back out there. You two be careful,” he says, placing a kiss on top of Sara’s head.

When he leaves, Felicity feels like she’s been caught keeping a secret she never intended to have.

xx

“Something’s changed, hasn’t it?” Oliver asks.

They’re alone in the hideout, which is a rarity these days. Sara is having dinner with her family and Dig is with Lyla and Roy is working upstairs. Felicity is running some diagnostics on their computer systems to see where there may be some holes in their security and Oliver is tending to his arsenal.

“You’re going to have to be more specific, Oliver,” Felicity says, keeping her gaze on her computer screens. “A lot of things have changed this year.”

“With you, I mean,” Oliver says, then pauses, searching for words. “With us.”

Felicity swivels around to look at him. He’s staring at her with that same contemplative look that he’s always had. It doesn’t make her swoon like it used to, though she still wishes she could help him exorcise some of his demons.

“You used to come to me for everything. You used to spend all of your time here. You used to look at me like…”

He sighs and purses his lips, dissatisfied with his approach. Felicity can do nothing but stare, dreading the question that she knows he’s trying to ask. Dreading what her answer will sound like when she says it out loud.

“I’m making this sound terrible. It’s just that when you used to look at me, I knew that you loved me. And now…I know you still love me, but you’re not in love with me anymore.”

There are hot tears on her cheeks before she even realizes they’re coming. She swallows and takes a shaky breath, hoping he’ll find a way to make this easier.

“I don’t think you ever looked at me the way you look at her,” Oliver says finally.

Felicity cannot suppress the sob that comes tearing out of her chest. She glances up at the ceiling, allowing the fluorescents to imprint themselves in her eyes.

“I don’t know what to say,” she admits thickly.

“Does she know?” Oliver asks.

“I haven’t said anything,” Felicity replies.

Oliver smirks and Felicity doesn’t know why it hurts so much to look at it.

“Felicity, everyone on this team knows how unpredictable life can be. You both deserve as much happiness as you can find. You should tell her how you feel.”

Felicity wonders if she hasn’t been waiting for this—for Oliver’s permission to stop loving him and let herself really be in love with Sara. She thinks that there’s more to it than that. A lot more, actually, but this conversation has broken her heart in just the right way to allow her to move forward.

“When will you get to be happy, Oliver?” Felicity asks.

His answering smile looks like nothing more than a broken promise.

xx

Sara comes sweeping through the door of Felicity’s apartment in a flurry of leather jacket and paper bags.

“I hope you’re hungry,” she says, setting the bags down on the kitchen table. “I stopped at that taco truck on Fourth. I got you carnitas with those pickled onions, since I know how much you—”

Felicity kisses her, but she doesn’t even remember making the conscious decision to do so or really understand how she got across the kitchen so quickly in the first place. Sara is a little stiff, pressed back against the table, hands gripping the edge of it like she might topple over otherwise. Felicity jumps back, eyes wide and cheeks red.

“Wow,” she says, because she honestly can’t believe that she’s finally topped her own embarrassment scale. “Wow. I am so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I guess I really underestimated my love for those pickled onions, which is surprising, since I already knew that I loved them more than just about any other topping in existence.”

She runs out of air, and then she’s left to face Sara, who is staring at her with this terrifyingly unreadable expression.

“We can just forget the last five minutes even happened,” Felicity says hopefully.

That seems to shake Sara out of whatever has a hold on her. Her eyes darken and she releases her death grip on the kitchen table.

“Felicity,” Sara breathes, and then she’s cradling the back of Felicity’s head, fingers tangled in blonde hair, threatening the structure of Felicity’s ponytail.

She’s barely taller than Felicity, but it feels like she’s towering over her right now, drawing her close, surrounding her. Her kiss is slow and intense, like she wants to savor this. Like she wants to memorize every second. Felicity never knew that such a kiss could ignite a fire in her core so quickly, but it’s like a match to gasoline in her belly right now. Sara pins her against the refrigerator, never breaking the kiss, until Felicity can’t breathe with the heat of it anymore.

“You’re gonna kill me,” Felicity gasps. “I mean that in the best way possible, but holy shit.”

“I’ve been waiting for ages to kiss you like that,” Sara admits.

Their foreheads rest together, and Felicity can’t help but trace the shape of Sara’s jaw with her thumb now that she’s pretty sure she’s allowed.

“Why didn’t you?” Felicity asks.

“I thought you were in love with Oliver,” Sara replies.

That’s one more thing Felicity can add to the list of things about this girl that don’t make any sense. International assassin and vigilante Sara Lance is apparently oblivious to people being desperately in love with her.

“I haven’t been in love with Oliver for a while now,” Felicity tells her.

“Then I guess I have some catching up to do,” Sara says with a grin, and kisses her again.

Felicity really loves those tacos, but this is actually so much better.

xx

The sex is incredible, which is perhaps the one time all year that Sara does something exactly as Felicity expected her to. Once she realizes that sex with an actual assassin isn’t nearly as scary as she thought it would be, Felicity is ready for anything. What she gets is Sara holding her hand while she goes down on Felicity for ages, and scratches down her back where Sara grips onto her like a lifeline when Felicity makes her come for the first time. Afterwards, Sara holds her close and presses kisses to the top of her head until they fall asleep, and that’s pretty much perfect.

xx

Laurel’s chin rests on her hand and her gaze slides back and forth between Felicity and Sara as she pops a french fry into her mouth.

“I really have no idea what to say about this,” she says.

That’s a lie. Sara told Laurel that she and Felicity were seeing each other half an hour ago, and it took her that entire time to finally settle into the state she’s in now. Her eyes got so wide at one point that Felicity was afraid they might fall into her milkshake. Now, she just looks kind of skeptical, like she’s expecting them to tell her that this is a joke.

“Why don’t you just tell me you’re happy for me, sis?” Sara says gently, squeezing Felicity’s hand under the table.

Somehow, Laurel sees that imperceptible movement and zeroes in on their arms, just barely touching one another.

“Are you happy?” Laurel asks.

“Yes,” Sara says firmly. “I’ve been living with death for so long. Felicity brought me back to life.”

Laurel’s eyes settle on Felicity again, that calculating lawyer’s stare that Felicity has never appreciated having on her. She knows that she’s not the obvious choice for Sara—Nyssa and Sara make a much more picturesque pair. She’s not a killer and she hopes she’ll never find out what it’s like to be one. She talks too much and gets too excited about things while Sara is calm and reserved. But she knows how to make hot chocolate just the way that Sara likes it and she knows exactly what movie to choose based on Sara’s mood. She can feel Sara’s presence like electricity in her veins and she would do anything to keep her safe and happy.

“If you’re happy, then I support you,” Laurel finally says, mouth ticking up very slightly at the corner.

Felicity smiles and thinks that maybe they will even be friends one day.

xx

There is a brief moment—maybe about two months worth of peace for Felicity and Sara—before Slade’s Mirikuru army is unleashed on Starling City. That’s when Felicity learns that Sara will do anything, even break both of their hearts in two, in order to save lives. Even if it makes taking some.

“Sara, this isn’t the way,” Felicity pleads when Nyssa and her men show up out of nowhere.

“Look at what’s happening out there,” Sara argues, avoiding Felicity’s stare. “It’s the only way.”

“You’re not a killer anymore!” Felicity yells, stepping towards Sara with fists balled in anger.

Nyssa’s hand reaches for her sword. Felicity shoots her a dangerous look, daring her to even try. Sara steps forward and places her hands on Felicity’s face, holding her the way she has so many times before. Her hands are cold, but it feels like Felicity is being burned alive.

“This is who I’ve always been,” Sara says, looking like she truly regrets it. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be the person you expected me to be.”

“I fell in love with you __because__ you were never the person I expected you to be,” Felicity says, throat swollen with tears.

She watches as Sara’s heart breaks a little further.

“The League’s help doesn’t come without a price,” Oliver says accusingly.

The resolve in Sara’s voice freezes Felicity’s blood in her veins.

“I’ve already paid it.”

xx

Sara leaves Starling City, but Felicity doesn’t watch her go. If she did, she knows she would forgive Sara for everything and beg her to stay. Felicity can’t really bear to put herself through that, so she goes to the team hideout and begins the task of cleaning that up instead.

xx

It isn’t long before Sara reappears in the city on League business. Felicity doesn’t ask with it is and Sara doesn’t offer any details. Instead, when Sara turns up at her door looking a little unsure of herself, Felicity drags her to bed. She tears at Sara’s clothes and leaves bruises behind, hoping they’ll make up for the fact that Felicity can’t find it in herself to scream at Sara for what she’s done to them.

xx

One well-placed arrow will kill a person as surely as a bullet to the head. But three poorly-grouped arrows and a tumble off of a four story building will get the job done just the same.

Felicity processes the scene in fragments—from Laurel’s frantic, tearstained face, to the three arrows proudly protruding in the air, to Sara’s eyes, open and unseeing. As Oliver passes his hand over Sara’s eyes to close them, Felicity collapses to the floor. Laurel sinks down beside her, gripping Felicity’s arm so hard that it will definitely bruise, sobbing and apologizing (for what, Felicity doesn’t know). Felicity can’t move, can’t blink or breathe. She can do nothing but cry and stare at Sara’s body.

The hole that Sara leaves in Felicity’s heart is bigger than she can possibly survive.

xx

Laurel and Nyssa go on a manhunt together, but Felicity doesn’t join them. There are days when she can barely figure out how she’s going to get out of bed for the weight of Sara’s absence. At least when Sara was back in Nanda Parbat, Felicity knew that she was out there somewhere, eating and breathing and hopefully planning her return one day. Now she can’t escape the idea that she will never see that smile of Sara’s again, and one day she will forget what it even looked like.

Felicity buries herself in work to forget about all of that. Laurel doesn’t pester her, but Nyssa disapproves.

“If Sara was your beloved, as you claim, then why do you not seek justice for her death?”

Nyssa stands in front of her in full armor, posture proud and confident, but she no longer scares Felicity the way she used to. Under that thirst for vengeance is a woman broken by lost love. Felicity can see it in Nyssa as if she were a mirror. Once that thirst for vengeance finally dies out, Nyssa will crumble under her grief. Felicity would rather crumble now.

“You can kill every person in this city and it still wouldn’t bring Sara back. I’m clinging to every memory that I have of her before they all start to fade away. By the time you’re done exacting your revenge, half of your memories will have already passed you by without you even noticing it.”

Nyssa storms away, furious and undeterred.

xx

Laurel confides in Felicity about taking on the Black Canary. Felicity thinks it’s ironic that it took Sara’s death for them to become friends, but she’s grateful for Laurel’s support on her worst days regardless.

“You know this isn’t what Sara would have wanted for you,” Felicity cautions.

“Well, she’s not here,” Laurel snaps, then immediately deflates. “This is the only way I can keep her close.”

Felicity wonders if putting on a leather suit and kicking the crap out of petty criminals would bring back the feeling of Sara pressed close against her, warm and heavy and reassuring. Somehow, she thinks all it would get her is some fresh bruises and a target on her back.

“Please be careful, Laurel. I can’t lose you, too,” Felicity says.

“You’ll always have me,” Laurel promises with a smile that doesn’t have nearly enough Sara in it.

xx

When Oliver finds out, it’s bad.

“You encouraged this?” he spits, whirling around to face her after Laurel has already stormed out.

Felicity takes note of the vein throbbing in his temple.

“Do you think she wouldn’t have done this whether I supported her or not?” Felicity counters. “At least with my help, there’s significantly less chance of her dying. If you would get your head out of your ass and train her, there’d be even less to worry about.”

Oliver opens his mouth to unleash his rage, but Felicity cuts him off.

“Just shut up, Oliver! You are not the only person who cares about this city and you are not the only person who gets to decide to do something about it. You don’t own Laurel’s grief and you don’t own mine. It’s time to get over yourself.”

He looks stunned. Felicity doesn’t know if it’s because of what she said or the fact that she finally had the guts to say it. Either way, she considers the conversation finished.

“This isn’t what Sara would have wanted, Felicity,” Oliver says, and Felicity has to fight the urge to throw a computer monitor at his head.

“I said that at first, too. But then I remembered that Sara sacrificed everything to protect this city. She spent months tirelessly training me to defend myself. And she always knew that you can’t tell other people how to fight their own battles. Don’t use her name to promote your agenda if you can’t even remember what she stood for, Oliver.”

She follows in Laurel’s footsteps and leaves him there to splutter.

xx

Thea confesses her sins to Felicity and it’s like seeing Sara’s dead body for the first time all over again.

“You knew what Malcom was and you trusted him anyway,” Felicity spits in her grief. “Her blood is on your hands as much as his."

Thea doesn’t disagree, though Felicity wishes she would so she can continue to be consumed with her rage. So she can find an explanation for all of this and grow to hate Thea and exact the revenge that Nyssa wanted her to so long ago.

But her rage dies out quickly and she is left hollow again, wound fresh and perhaps more painful than it was the first time. Time does not heal all wounds and neither, apparently, does truth. Sara’s death has wrecked all of their lives in unimaginable ways.

Days later, Thea clings to Felicity while she cries, and Felicity thinks that maybe only forgiveness can sew her bleeding heart shut.

xx

The Lazarus Pit giveth and the Lazarus Pit taketh away.

Seeing Sara’s face again after a year of death seems like a miracle, but it turns out to be a cruel joke instead. What has returned is nothing more than a monster in Sara’s body, and Felicity isn’t sure if she’ll ever be able to forgive Laurel for this. Losing Sara once was bad enough. Now Felicity will lose her twice.

“There’s another way,” Oliver says, like an apology for all of the times he should have been better for her.

So Constantine comes and does his ritual and tells them only two can cross the veil. Oliver volunteers himself and Laurel.

“No,” Felicity says. “I’m going.”

Oliver starts to argue, but Quentin shuts him up with a look.

“Let her go, Queen,” he says. “There’s no one I trust with Sara’s soul more.”

He nods at Felicity, who has never loved him more than this moment, even if she fears his trust is misplaced. Oliver relents, and Felicity and Laurel go together.

As it turns out, Hell is a truly terrifying place. And it looks a lot like Nanda Parbat, which is probably pretty fitting if Felicity thinks about it enough.

But there isn’t time to think. There are assassins everywhere, and real or not, their swords are sharp as hell. They manage to fend them off, but just barely. Maybe Oliver should have come after all.

“Felicity!”

She feels her heart stop dead in her chest at the sound of that voice. She’s heard it in her dreams many times over in the past year, but now she realizes that it was only ever a cheap imitation. This is the real thing.

The sight of Sara, clinging to the edge of the Lazarus Pit while the black tar threatens to drag her back under, eyes full of desperation and fear, is enough to make Felicity scream. She glances back at Laurel, who is taking on way more than she should have to, but Laurel just steels her gaze and stabs a guy with his own sword.

“Go,” she grits out.

So Felicity runs, trips her way to the pit, and reaches for Sara to pull her free. Something tries to pull Sara back, some manifestation of her own darkness or some mystical bullshit like that, but this is the chance Felicity thought she would never have again and no Hell beast is going to take it from her. She pulls as hard as she can, probably tears a muscle actually, and Sara finally falls out of the pit. She lands on top of Felicity, and then...

Oliver and the others are staring down at them. Laurel gasps in a relieved breath, and for a moment they just look at each other as they try to recover. It’s Quentin who reminds them of why they’re all here when he whispers Sara’s name in disbelief.

Felicity looks over to find those blue eyes that she’s been dreaming of staring back at her, and she knows without a doubt that this is her Sara. She looks a little wild, a little haunted, but she is here and breathing and whole. Felicity will probably have bruises on her knees later from how fast she scrambles over, but it doesn’t matter. She would crawl over hot coals at this point to get to Sara.

“You came for me,” Sara says, a little breathlessly, as Felicity cradles her face in both hands, thumbs tracing aimlessly, seeking proof that this is real.

“Don’t I always?” Felicity replies off hand, and God she has no idea why she’s like this. She can already feel her face burning as she remembers that there are so many people within earshot right now.

But Sara laughs and rests their foreheads together and Felicity squeezes her eyes shut and lets the tears flow down her cheeks like rivers.

xx

It’s hard to convince Quentin and Laurel that Sara will be okay for the night if they leave her. They’ve been attached to her side all day, almost more than Felicity, but Sara is laughing and happy and that’s all that matters.

“I’ll be fine, Dad,” Sara promises as she ushers him out the door. “Felicity has, like, sixty security systems installed in her apartment. Plus, she’s a total badass. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

When they’re both gone, Sara slumps against the door, and it’s the first time that Felicity can really see just how exhausted she is. Her eyes are a little sunken and her face looks heavy.

“Come here,” Felicity says gently, guiding Sara away from the door and into the bedroom.

They lie down together, Felicity holding Sara close in a way that she rarely got to before, even when they were together and happy. Sara sinks into her, buries her face in Felicity’s neck, and breathes.

“You think I wouldn’t be this tired after being dead for a year,” Sara mumbles, hand curling into Felicity’s shirt.

“You’ve been through a lot. It’s okay to just rest. I’ll be here with you,” Felicity promises.

That seems to be enough reassurance for Sara, who falls asleep deeply and doesn’t move for hours. Felicity, on the other hand, lies awake, mind leaden with so many thoughts that she can barely put her finger on a single one.

Her girlfriend (ex-girlfriend?) is back from the dead. A week ago, Felicity had been under the impression that she would never see Sara again. She had just sort of started to have the first inkling that she might be ready to heal from that. Yesterday, even though Sara’s body was back, Felicity still believed that she would never see the girl whole again. She kept having visions of Quentin or Diggle putting a bullet between her eyes to quell the demon living inside of her body.

But now Sara is back for real. And even though she’s here, safe and sound in Felicity’s arms, it doesn’t erase everything that came before—not the betrayal of Sara returning to the League, not the angry sex that happened whenever Sara was in town, and certainly not the utter decimation of Felicity’s heart after Sara’s death.

They were all changed because of this. Laurel became the Canary and Thea became broken and Nyssa became enraged and Felicity became hardened. The world kept turning without Sara in it, and now they will all have to figure out how to fit her back in.

And what happens if she doesn’t fit at all?

xx

Felicity watches as Laurel and Sara spar a few days later, and that’s a confusing and attractive mess for her, so she tries not to stare too hard. After they finish up, Laurel heads off to the shower and Sara plops down next to Felicity, sweaty and half-naked in her workout gear.

“You’re going to wrinkle that newly-rejuvenated skin with a frown like that,” Felicity says. “What’s wrong?”

“Just never thought I’d be here training physical combat with my sister,” Sara says, staring off into space. “She’s amazing.”

“She’s doing a great job,” Felicity agrees. “She worked hard to live up to the Black Canary’s memory.”

Sara hums in agreement, but still looks troubled, like she’s starting to come to terms with the passing of time in her absence.

“Looks like Team Arrow has really grown up,” she says.

“Against Oliver’s wishes, most of the time,” Felicity grumbles. “But everyone is glad to have you back.”

“Even you?” Sara asks, finally turning to look at her properly. She looks self-conscious, in a way that Felicity doesn’t think she’s ever seen before.

“Sara,” Felicity sighs. She wasn’t prepared to have this conversation right now, and she’s irritated that Sara would ask that question. “Of course I’m happy you’re back. God, you have no idea what it was like to see you lying on a table, broken and pale and just...gone.”

Her voice breaks a little, and Sara looks like she regrets bringing it up. She reaches for Felicity and laces their fingers together.

“It felt like I was shattering every day. Even if we weren’t on the best of terms when you left, I was still in love with you. I think part of me kept believing that you would show up one day and apologize for being an idiot and tell me you were coming back for good. But that hope was ripped away forever in an instant. So yeah, having you back is beyond anything I could have imagined.”

“I’m sorry, Felicity. I never wanted to put you through that.”

Felicity sniffles and wipes at her eyes.

“We all had to learn how to live in a world without you in it, Sara. It sucked. And having you back makes me feel like falling in love all over again. But I’m also a year older. I kept having to grow while you were gone, whether I wanted to or not. And I feel like I just need time. __We__ need time to get to know each other again.”

Sara smiles, thin and self-deprecating. She rubs her thumb over Felicity’s hand.

“I guess I convinced myself that coming back from the dead could be like a reset button for us. I wanted to be the person you deserved this time around.”

“You already are,” Felicity says. “I just need you to be a friend right now.”

Sara leans forward to press a kiss to Felicity’s head.

“That I can do,” she promises.

xx

A lot happens after that. Nothing is ever simple in Star City, but Felicity wishes that sometimes things would just slow down a little. Her brain moves almost as fast as her mouth, but she could really use a break from the mayhem for a while.

Sara is not immune to the unfortunate side effects of the Lazarus Pit. Her blood lust rears its ugly head in the middle of a fight, and she ends up killing a man before anyone can stop her. The horror of it weighs heavily on Felicity, who knows that Sara deserves better than this and hates that the world won’t just give her some peace.

This is pretty much the last straw for Sara, who decides that it’s time to leave for a little while.

“I need to figure this thing out,” she tells Felicity. “You guys are doing fine without me, and as long as I have this bloodlust, I’m a danger to you.”

Felicity kisses her. It’s a moment of weakness for both of them. Sara sinks into it for a few seconds before they pull away.

“Don’t disappear,” Felicity orders. “Promise you’ll come back to me.”

“Before you even know it,” Sara says.

She takes one last look at Felicity, like she’s memorizing the lines of her face, and then she’s gone, off to say goodbye to her family before she leaves for good.

xx

Months go by with little word from Sara, save an occasional email or post card. Felicity holds them close to her, reads them over and over again until they nearly turn to dust in her hands on the nights when she can’t sleep, when all she sees are bullets to the spine and Laurel almost dying. A nuke that kills thousands of people, redirected by her own hand.

Even when Dahrk is dead, his legacy will haunt her for years to come.

xx

They begin to recover. Somehow, they always do.

Laurel begins to heal from her wound. Felicity is there to help, but not as much as Nyssa, who has taken to hanging around Laurel like a faithful body guard since she showed up back in Star City. Felicity can’t really be sure, since Nyssa is impossible to read, but it seems like the Heir to the Demon has a thing for Lance girls in general.

Oliver gets to know his son a little better, and that whole situation is a lot to unpack. But he’s a good dad, even if he’s flawed in every other arena.

Felicity tries to move on with her life, too. She tries to move forward while carrying the weight of an entire town on her back. Some days the weight breaks her, but she pieces herself back together again and goes on living. It’s the least she can do for those people.

Things are about as normal as they can be, which is exactly why it’s so fitting that she opens the door to her apartment one night to find Sara sitting on the couch like she’d never left at all.

“Jesus Christ,” Felicity breathes, clutching at her chest. “I almost killed you!”

“Well, death doesn’t really stick to me, so it’s fine,” Sara replies with a grin.

She looks good. Like, really good. She holds out her arms for a hug, and Felicity only realizes just how heavy she’s been feeling when she finally sinks into Sara and just lets herself be held up for a moment.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Felicity says, burying her face into Sara’s neck. Sara’s pulse feels like a lifeline.

“I’m sorry,” Sara replies, like she already knows everything. “I’m here now.”

Felicity doesn’t know for how long, or even why Sara is here. There will be time for that later. Time for exchanging hardships and war stories. For now, she just needs someone to keep her together. Sara is the one person she feels comfortable saying that to.

“Can you just...I just need you to hold me. Please?”

Sara doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t need to. She pulls Felicity closer, urges her to curl up into Sara’s chest, and holds her tightly. The smell of her makes Felicity’s head quiet in a way that it hasn’t in so long. It’s not enough to stave off the nightmares completely, but Sara is there to soothe her back to sleep whenever she wakes.

In the morning, they drink coffee and Sara talks about her adventures on the _Waverider_. Being on a time ship is something out of Felicity’s wildest nerd fantasies, and each story is a welcome distraction for her. Sara’s voice and easy grin are almost enough for her to pretend that the last two years never happened. If she lets herself, she can imagine them sitting on her couch after a night of patrolling the city, talking about some pop culture event that Sara missed while she was in Nanda Parbat, laughing about something stupid that Oliver said that day before falling into bed together.

“Do you think it’s possible to fall in love with the same person multiple times?” Felicity asks without meaning to.

Sara looks at her, head tilted just slightly, and smiles.

“Yeah. I do it all the time.”

Maybe the timing is off. Maybe Felicity is not in the best state of mind. Maybe her heart will break all over again when Sara goes back to the _Waverider_. Maybe this is a huge mistake.

But maybe not. There is no mistaking the way that Sara makes her feel—how safe Felicity is when Sara is near. Even when she is furious with Sara, even when they’re miles and millennia apart, Sara is like an anchor that tethers Felicity back to Earth whenever her mind tries to pull her in a thousand different directions. Sara was the first person to remind Felicity that she could be strong all on her own.

So maybe this is exactly what she needs, which is what Felicity tells herself when she closes the distance between them and climbs on top of Sara. She lets Sara engulf her, break her and remake her. Sara helps her forget what’s been haunting her and remember what it’s like to do something just for herself.

Later, they lie in bed and Felicity tells Sara everything. She tells Sara what it was like to suddenly be unable to walk, to feel like she would never be able to defend herself again. The frustration of physical therapy and sheer relief of walking again. She explains the panic of watching Laurel nearly die right in front of her, of basically reliving the nightmare of Sara’s death all over again. She talks about what it felt like to make a decision that wiped ten thousand souls from the earth in an instant, and she cries so hard that her chest closes up and she can’t catch a breath, feels her vision swimming in front of her and her body collapsing in on itself.

Sara talks her through it and teaches her how to breathe again, helps Felicity focus on her voice until her body settles and her heart slows down. She goes to get Felicity a glass of water and sits cross-legged on the bed while Felicity sips at it, looking over her critically to make sure she’s okay.

“Thank you,” Felicity says once she feels like she can speak without crying again. “Haven’t had one of those in a while.”

“Laurel used to have panic attacks when we were younger,” Sara explains. “I got pretty good at handling them. Sometimes they’d call me down to the nurse’s office in school to help her if it got really bad.”

Sara takes Felicity’s glass from her and sets it on the nightstand. She tucks some of Felicity’s hair behind her ear and looks at her with the saddest eyes that Felicity has ever seen.

“Felicity,” she says softly, “you are the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

“Says the girl who survived Lian Yu and went on to become a master assassin,” Felicity interrupts with a hollow laugh.

“That’s not the same thing. Survival instinct is human. Most people have it in them, even when they don’t realize it. What you have is different. You see the hard choices that have to be made and you just...make them. And then you quietly carry the weight of them with you forever. I think there are very few people in the world who could have done what you did. If it were me, I would have frozen and we’d all be dead right now.”

“Yeah, well it doesn’t feel like a heroic act,” Felicity snaps.

“I don’t think the important things ever do,” Sara says. “There was no best case. There was only bad or worse. You did what you had to do. It wasn’t fair that you were put in that position, but you handled it anyway and now you’ll have to live with the scars forever. And that is your superpower. It had to be you. No one else could have done it.”

“That’s great,” Felicity says, shaking her head. “Barry gets to run around at the speed of light and I get to be a monster. Just what I wanted.”

“Hey,” Sara says strongly, grabbing her hands. “You’re not a monster. I’ve been down that road, and it only leads to misery. You’re incredible. And you are worthy of love, whether you believe that or not. Take it from someone who’s spent a long time feeling unworthy. You’re scared that everyone will leave you, so it’s easier to think that you never deserved them anyway. But no one is leaving you, Felicity. We love you. __I__ love you.”

Felicity crumples. No one has really gotten to the heart of her pain and insecurity since Havenrock. No one has understood the fact that when she looks in the mirror each day, all she sees is a murderer. But of course Sara understands. Sara knows what it’s like to be a harbinger of death. She recognizes self-hatred.

“I just can’t stop seeing it over and over again,” Felicity whispers.

“I know,” Sara says with a frown. “I know.”

xx

Sara stays for a few more days. They spend time with Laurel and Quentin, visit Diggle and John Jr., have lunch with Thea, and dinner with Oliver. Whatever they do, Sara doesn’t leave Felicity’s side. They haven’t really talked about whatever is going on between them, but for once, Felicity is okay with that. She’s content to soak up whatever light Sara can offer before she goes.

The day that Sara leaves, they stand in the doorway of Felicity’s apartment, hands clasped together while Felicity tries not to cry.

“You’ll be okay,” Sara promises. “You never needed me to keep you safe.”

“I needed you to keep me sane,” Felicity argues, and Sara chuckles.

“It’s not easy keeping in touch when you’re time traveling, but I’ll do my best. You know how to contact the _Waverider_ now. Anytime you need me, just let me know. I’ll drop everything for you, Felicity.”

“I love you,” Felicity says.

Sara kisses her against the doorframe, hard enough to let Felicity know that she feels the same. She looks pained to leave, but she does anyway. Felicity swallows back the lump in her throat and watches her go.

xx

The next time Sara shows up, it’s not what Felicity expects. But she’s always sort of loved that about Sara anyway.

Aliens are invading Earth, so it’s all hands on deck. Felicity calls the _Waverider_ , and Sara brings the whole crew with her. They meet at the bottom of the ship’s docking ramp, Felicity crashing into Sara’s arms with enough force to nearly knock them both over.

“You came for me,” Felicity says into Sara’s hair.

“Don’t I always?” Sara quips, which makes Felicity laugh and her cheeks turn pink.

“Hot,” Mick grunts on his way past. Sara rolls her eyes.

“Ignore him. We forgot to leave him in the Stone Age where he belongs,” she says. She laces their hands together and the two of them make their way towards the rest of the assembled team. “I missed you. You look good.”

“Yeah, well, help us save the world and you might get to find out just how good,” Felicity replies.

Sara coughs and shoots her a look just as they reach Oliver and the others.

The threat of the Dominators is serious, and it’s made even more complex by the weight of Barry’s meddling with the timeline. Thankfully, they’ve got a kick-ass team assembled, including an alien of their very own. Felicity gets to time travel, which is incredible and terrifying at the same time, while Sara and the others fight against the aliens themselves. It’s definitely one of the more difficult battles they’ve fought, but they’re victorious in the end.

They celebrate at the Star Labs hangar, and Felicity amuses herself by listening to Ray ask Kara a million questions about life on Krypton while Mick makes the mistake of trying to hit on Caitlin. Sara and Oliver talk quietly about what they saw while they were held captive on the Dominator ship while Thea chats with Nate and Amaya. Things are pretty good, considering the fact that they just saved the world from aliens in less than a week and got medals from the President.

As the night winds down, Sara asks Felicity to take a walk with her. They circle around the perimeter of the hangar outside. It’s nice out—warm, but breezy. Sara glances over at the Waverider as they walk past and nudges Felicity with her shoulder.

“Heard you had a rough time getting used to the time jump,” she teases.

“Yeah, well not all of us can be time-travelling cowgirls,” Felicity says. “It was pretty cool, though. I’d definitely do it again.”

“I’ve been thinking about that,” Sara says hesitantly. She kicks at a stone on the ground, a sure sign that she’s nervous about something. “Since the last time that I left, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I like being the captain of this ship, but I can’t help but remember how good it was when we were a team. I’m happier when you’re around. And I think you’d make an amazing addition to the crew.”

Felicity’s mouth hangs open slightly as she tries to process what Sara’s saying to her.

“Are you asking me to be your time-traveling girlfriend?”

Sara actually blushes a little, and it’s the first time that Felicity has ever seen her look this unsure of herself. It’s pretty cute.

“I know that we kind of said that we were going to take it slow, but I already know how I feel about you, and I know that I don’t want to leave here without you. So what do you say? Will you come with me?” Sara asks.

Felicity can’t stop the smirk that appears on her face.

“Don’t I always?”

xx

It takes a little while to convince Oliver that this is going to be okay. He gets pretty uptight about it at first, which both of them expected would happen. But he has Curtis now, who is every bit as good as Felicity is with tech stuff. Rene, Rory, and Dig will both be there to lend a hand during fights. And Laurel and Thea will keep Oliver grounded. They’ll all be fine without her, which is what Felicity keeps telling herself over and over again as she prepares to leave. 

Laurel complains about having her best friend stolen away from her by her already-absent sister, but in the end, she is happy for them. Besides, she has Nyssa to keep her company (in more ways than one, if Felicity’s suspicions are correct). Quentin and Laurel see them off as they board the _Waverider_. When the hatch finally closes behind them, Sara gives her shoulder a light squeeze.

“You ready?” she asks.

Felicity smiles and nods her head.

“From the first time we met, you’ve managed to completely obliterate my expectations time and time again. I think I’m ready for anything.”

“Good,” Sara grins as she heads towards the deck. “Then you might want to strap in. We’re getting ready to time jump.”

Felicity’s eyes go wide and she scurries after her.

“Probably not ready for that yet!” she squeaks, and Sara’s laughter echoes down the hall.


End file.
